


I Don't Belong to You and You Don't Belong to Me

by SouthernCross



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Frustrated author, Lando is awesome, Leia is over it, Sorry Not Sorry, kinda mean to Rey, you know telling everyone is going to be awkward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernCross/pseuds/SouthernCross
Summary: Kylo has had enough of fighting for what everyone else wanted for him.  Rey has some explaining to do.  Lando is seriously amazing and Leia has just about had it with all of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I buried this in my Tumblr with no tags because I suck at tags. The divine Ever-so-reylo went looking for this little ditty so I dug it up, am so nervous now. This fandom is literally full of some of the most badass and prolific authors I have come across and I should not even be stepping my toe in! Lastly this woukd never have been written without the goddess who is Hyperphonic, seriously I love you and you are forever my smoking buddy! I Love you all I own nothing and mean no harm. Please leave me some kudos or comments, they feed my soul!

After Crait, after the dice had disappeared from the tight grip of his fist, after he had felt his old Master fade into the Force, after, after, after, after the ramp had closed Kylo had felt oddly detached from himself. He had no memory of leaving the planet, of getting back into orbit and now that he felt the familiar hum of hyperspace he had no idea as to the destination of the ship he occupied.

This was it he supposed, the culmination of all that he had worked for was now before him. Hux was delivering a report on the likelihood of Core planets falling in line and there were talks of supply shortages in the Mid-Rim and what cut of the profits would he like to take from the Slavers in the Outer Rim. All present in the conference room froze as the table began to shake and all the liquid in various cups and mugs rose and fell as Kylo wrangled his temper and the Force back under control.

“You’ll find seeds of rebellion grow in slave camps, fertile ground for the discontent,” he murmured. Hux looked appropriately flabbergasted.

“You're not suggesting we eliminate the Slavers,” the question brought a fierce round of debate as those around the table, some who had survived many incarnations of the Empire, saw wisdom in Kylo's words but there were just as many whose own pockets were lined with money bought off the backs of those born in chains.

The beginnings of a migraine pressed behind his eyes as Kylo struggled, again, to reign in his temper. If the First Order allowed slavery, how could they proclaim the rule of law and order would apply to all. He thought, not for the first time that the more things change, the more they stayed the same. Rising he effectively dismissed the meeting as it had fallen into an ideological debate and no further useful action could be accomplished today. Kylo also thought, not for the first time, that while he had aspired to be Supreme Leader he had no patience for the practicalities of the role. A part of him he had long since thought buried laughed at the thought that he had ended up exactly like his Mother.

Grimacing he headed towards his private quarters, ignoring the stolen glances and blatant stares of the crew as he passed, not for the first time he missed his helmet. Alone, finally, he took what might have been his first true, deep breath since the Falcon’s escape pod had landed on the Supremacy. Forgoing the couch, the damn thing sat entirely too low to the ground for his long legs, he sat at the desk tugging off the boots that had been on entirely too long. He was tired, he was whatever was more than tired, weary, he supposed was accurate.

The silence in his head where Snoke used to be a constant presence was a raw, gaping wound that had yet to heal. Kylo honestly had no idea how to go about healing it, so like so many hurts, he ignored it. The Bond was there, the tether binding him with her was ever present, where it had started to bring him a small comfort (a word he had not used in context with himself in decades) it was now another reminder of what had almost been. And that truly was his legacy, almost (not good enough) a son, almost (not good enough) a Jedi, almost (not good enough) a Dark Lord, almost (not good enough) for her, and while he was Supreme Leader he knew it was only a matter of weeks, days perhaps before there was an attempt on his life. He would fail at that as he had at everything else others had wanted for him.

That brought him up short, feet stopping on the way to the fresher. With a laugh he continued on towards the shower, it would be a nice change to fail at plans of his own making for once. Under the spray of hot water, so hot his skin stung, he considered being his own master. Living, for the first time beholden to no one, nowhere. No First Order, no Resistance, no Dark or Light Force, just life. Kylo honestly couldn't imagine such a thing, the idea was so foreign to him, but just like he had the told the First Order upper command, seeds of rebellion grow in fertile ground and Kylo began to plan.

* * *

 

 

Slowly, too slowly for Rey the days passed since the mad dash escape from Crait.  Having lived so many years alone, being around so many people in such small quarters had made her skin itch, and she had more than once taken to hiding in more and more obscure places for a moment’s peace.  For the first time Rey found herself with friends and a purpose other simply surviving, she also found herself for the first time with a secret, and she was not handing the last part very well; at all.

Chewy knew about her ill fated trip to the Supremacy and that she had had hope of saving Ben, but not the logistics of the Bond.  He had, so far, not said anything to anyone about what she had done.  She supposed the tears she had shed en route to Crait had said enough.  Rey had said nothing to anyone else about what she had done and her lingering connection to the Supreme Leader, there had been no easy way for her to start that particular conversation and as the time has passed it had only grew into more daunting a task.

Since landing on Kashyyyk, which was honestly one of the most wonderful places she had never imagined could exist,  Rey had spent hours meditating over the Bond, picking at it, trying to break it apart like the Scavenger she was.  So far none of her attempts had weakened its hold but neither had it reopened.   It was simply there, a bruise behind her lungs preventing her taking a deep breath. 

Maybe it was all the time she spent studying the Bond but  _ he  _ was never far from her thoughts, reliving those last moments together, his insistence that she was someone to him.  How could ever believe that, how could she not? Rey had felt first hand his complete and utter loneliness, a feeling she had thought no one else but she could ever, would ever feel, the moments that they had shared before the  _ disaster _ were the one true thing in her life.  What was seen and felt in those moments had been real, just because it had all fallen apart did not take that away, she would not allow that, but Rey would also not allow herself to be distracted, Kylo Ren had made his choice and it had not been her.

Sitting at the edge of a beautiful lake, she wished again she knew how to swim, would love nothing more than to sink beneath the water, she considered if what she had offered had been that; had she offered him a path the Light (which he had never asked for) or a place in the Resistance (which would never be offered) or had she offered him herself.  Would things have been different if she had offered her hand and her heart as she begged him to walk away from all he had known. Would her answer had been different if he had done the same, but hadn't he done that,  _ please _ he had whispered and she could blame it on her fear for her friends or her disappointment that he had not defected in the heartbeat she had required but he had split open his heart to her and she had refused him, hurt him.  

Later, in the dark of the Falcon, the shame of what she had done would settle on her. She had left him unconscious, in no position to defend himself, after he had just fought at her back and offered her his heart, if the First Order had had any kind of surveillance in the throne room he could have been been executed, or worse. Her shock at seeing him, utterly destroyed as he had been on Crait, had masked the relief that he had survived the coup.

Now the Resistance was licking its wounds and trying to gather forces and friends. No one had rallied to their aid on Crait, Rey didn't think it looked terribly optimistic, but that's why they had Poe and Finn. They were the advisors and strategists and optimists, she was just a Scavenger from Jakku who had found herself in the middle of a galaxy wide conflict she had never asked for. So she left them to it, she repaired what needed fixing, mediated on what little Force knowledge she knew, and practice what techniques she had skimmed from  _ him _ when they had been connected, it wasn't exactly as if she just scooped up forms and stances and ideas. If she didn't ask if they were Dark or Light ideals who was left to correct her.

 

* * *

A month had passed since Crait, Rey had been making her way to the mess, a tent that also doubled as a command center and communication hub when she saw that bodies had filed it to overflowing. Frowning she jogged up to the nearest friendly face.

“What’s going on,” she whispered to Rose who was hopping up trying to get a look over the shoulders of a couple of pilots.

Rose grabbed her hand, “Apparently Hux is the new Supreme Leader.  He's making a big speech, it's being broadcast over all the comms, something about the end of a dead religion and a return to law and order, blah blah blah,” she scowled up at the taller bodies, “I would know more but some people have no regard for us short bodies. I'll find Finn he'll know more.”

Before Rey could process the words Rose had dashed off and Rey was left reeling. Instinctively she felt for the Bond, it was there which meant he was still alive, well she assumed that, since no one really died in the Force, would she even know it if he did.  A completely inappropriate sob welled up in her throat, slapping a hand over her mouth she moved away from the mess and his behind a tall stack of empty munitions crates. 

A hundred thoughts, questions, fears roared through her mind all at once, too many to organize and catalogue, Hux was cold and cruel in ways  _ he _ had never been, what did this mean for the Resistance now that the leadership had changed?  What would it mean for any planet that resisted?  She should care more about both of those things they should have been her top priority, but all she could think on, all her focus was on one question alone, where was he?

Each day following the announcement of the leadership change new proclamations came forth. Abolishment of free speech, free media, free assembly, nothing they weren't expecting. Command was already looking into how they could turn this their advantage.  There were other more regulatory items that honestly didn't make much sense to Rey but she remembered the look on the General’s face after those went public.

Something was coming Rey could feel it. She trained with a sense of urgency, any weapon she could get her hands on, she wasn't half bad with a bow caster but her go to was still her staff. And every night for hours she worked at Bond. She pushed and pulled and plucked and yelled and screamed and begged and there was just nothing, silence. Either he had figured out to completely ignore her or the Force was keeping them cut off from each other for a reason, she didn't know which answer hurt more.

47 days after the last stand at Crait the First Order abolished all Galactic laws banning slavery and indentured servitude. Rey listened, eyes wet with shock and horror, as rules protecting even the youngest lifeforms were stripped away. Now, anyone in debt enough and to an unsavory enough lender could find themselves under indentured servitude for any number of years, not to mention the outright slavery that would occur.  Rey paid little attention to the regulations and taxation that followed, you can't slap a law and order label on something that vile, but slavery was still slavery. The prevailing theory was that if it could be legalized, it could be regulated, if it could regulated, it could be taxed, but not this, this was too horrible.

Again, as they had so often she found her thoughts turning to him, he would never had allowed this, never, not with what she had learned of his grandfather and simply because, even now she knew there was good in him. 

That night, for the first time instead of using her will and determination to push through the wall separating them, she simply pressed herself against it.  For all that it was an intangible construct in her mind, the Force and the Bond connected her to the Galaxy in a way nothing else could, it connected it to him.  As long as she had this, as unfulfilling as the connection was now, she was never alone.

So that night she told him that, she spoke to him like she not since their hands touched.  She told him her fears and her regrets and her shame and whispered her apology and cursed his stupidity and begged him to talk to her and complained about repairs and berated her colleagues for not understanding her frustrations and cried over her lack of a proper weapon and on and on until she was empty.

Day 51 a ship arrived with a striking man who kissed her hand and made Rose blush.  Finn could absolutely not stand the man Poe reverently called Lando Calrissian. Not since she had seen the General’s brief interaction with Han, Rey still could not wrap her head around that family, had she seen any signs of laughter or  _ life _ in the other woman's eyes.  The staggering amount of loss  the General, Leia, had endured was not something Rey could fathom, she had not had so much in her life to even think of losing it.

This Lando came bearing gifts, alcohol and munitions, and was quick to smile at any and all who caught his eye.  Rey overhead the term rascal used, he preferred debonair, and she found herself smiling even if Finn couldn't stop frowning.  When the group made their way to the one structure with walls they had built out of stubbornness and scrap, some of that cool charm faded from still smiling face.

“The news I have to share is of a sensitive nature,” his words were directed to the General but his eyes never left Rey, her stomach began to twist. 

The General nodded, “Poe and Rey will join the rest of leadership after they arrive.”  Finn looked ready to argue, so did Rose, they had gotten used to being included in many of the in formal meetings Rey supposed other than Poe none of them had real clearance to be in any meetings.

Lando smiled brightly, “Leia my darling you are free to have whomever you want, except her.” With a grin so wide she thought his cheeks must hurt Lando pointed right at Rey.  “Non-negotiable.” For a heartbeat there was stunned silence then all gathered started speaking at once, even Chewy roared his confusion and disapproval. Rey could only stare, stunned at the man who still smiled at her and it occurred to then that he knew, this Lando Calrissian  _ knew _ and it took all of her strength not to simply explode from the sheer enormity of that fact.

The General studied the newcomer then slid her eyes to Rey briefly, then held up her hand for silence which feel immediately, they had all learned.  “Calrissian with me. Alone.” She swept away like the princess she once was and with once last shit eating grin to the stunned onlookers Lando followed after her.

Rey reassessed her initial impression, she did not care for Lando Calrissian.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone who left kudos and especially a comment they mean so much. I was nervous when I posted this story because it is not the friendliest towards Rey but the positive response has been encouraging and I absolutely love Lando and Leia and I hope you do too.

Planting the seeds had been simple enough, given the right motivation, the right nurturing an idea could become reality with enough time and patience. Kylo needed time, not a lot, getting away would be simple enough, orchestrating a believable coup was simple enough. What he needed, what would make this work, make this last, was data. Kylo knew that in the short term whoever had the biggest guns would win but the real victory would come at the hands of the people with the money and the secrets.

Kylo knew that in order to break free he would need to deal in both. Splicing into the vast network of data the First Order kept had been easier than he had thought. The arrogance of Hux and the others in command would be their undoing. Unsure what he would need, there was so much stretching into the Empire itself, he began taking all of it, he could sort it out once he was clear of the Order.

Facing days of data mining he set about contacting the one person he thought might be willing to do business with him, for a price of course. His memories of Lando were that of a wide smile and a long cape and a patience when he would be under foot that rivaled no one else in his childhood. Kylo had enjoyed going to Cloud City, he had enjoyed hearing the wild tales Han had spun about the smuggler turned friend turned foe turned general. Without Snoke clouding up his thoughts Kylo was finding more of memories coming back to him, untainted.

The rediscovery of memories only brought more regret at his actions, how much of his hatred towards his parents and uncle were true and how much was because of Snoke’s interference? If they weren't as evil as Snoke made them out to be they had still been blind to the level of pain and manipulation Snoke poured into his mind. And there had always been pain and fear and confusion, for as far back as he could remember using the Force, Snoke had been there and they had not seen it or stopped it. They were the heroes of the Resistance and had made little time for the realities of a young, difficult Ben Solo, their neglect would not be ignored but he could better understand it now, they had never been his heroes.

No one had come to save him and Ben Solo was not ready to forgive that. Kylo Ren had bigger things to worry about.

Making contact with Lando, had kept him distracted from someone who was trying to make contact with him. He had not seen Rey since Crait, had not heard from her for weeks and then he had felt it, the tug and pull of her against the Bond. The last thing he had wanted was a moment alone with her, he had had his fill of emotional manipulation by the Force and her. So when he felt her press against their tether he pressed back, Kylo wasn't sure if the Force was allowing him to refuse her, or whatever had peaked between them before Crait had fundamentally changed their connection.

Rey was one more in a long line of disappointments in his life, and while he could choose whether or not to engage with the others who had let him down, those who had not chosen him, he would not be able to shake her loose quite so easily. It was shameful how he had clung to those moments with her, he had run their brief interactions on loop in his mind's eye, trying to parson out every meaning behind every word and breath he took. It was mortifying how well she had played him, spun him up in tales of belonging and connection, and then left him to rot on the throne room floor.

No, he would not be taken in so easily again, not by anyone.

Instead, he focused on stripping the Order of their secrets and funneling away as much money as he could without attracting attention, he split the funds between a dozen different banks, on a dozen different worlds under a dozen different aliases. He had as much of a smugglers sense of survival as he had the head of a politician, it did not pain him as it once did to think of what he had inherited from his parents.

When Caelcal Tennlor landed on Cloud City he was nothing more than a academic on sabbatical looking for inspiration and respite among the clouds. He had booked a room for two weeks and had not turned down the upgrade for a nicer view on a much quieter level, no he would not need help with his bags, and yes he would like to thank Mr. Calrissian in person for the added perks. Kylo did not linger in reception but made his way to the suite and waited for what he knew would be a difficult meeting.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, you're going to have to repeat that last part,” Leia stared incredulously at Lando, it took a lot to shake her, she had built up quite a politicians reserve, but this was beyond unexpected.

Lando grinned, his amusement at this particular turn off Galactic events amused him to no end. “I am here to act as emissary between the Resistance and what us law abiding folk hope will be the New New Republic and the man formerly known as Kylo Ren.” He had deliberately not used that other name Leia wasn't sure she was ready to hear it quite yet.

“And what exactly does my son want with the Resistance,” she knew he wasn't asking to return, there was no way he could fight alongside them? A part of her wished for that, to stand next to the son she didn't know, to simply see his face again after so many years, but wishes were for the foolish and fountains and she was neither.

“Kylo Ren found himself at the receiving end of a most inconvenient coup.” Leia snorted, she bet her last pair of custom made boots that whatever took her son out of power hadn't been orchestrated entirely by him, for him, whatever his end game was. He was so much better than to fall to an untimely coup, she would like to think so anyway.

“Since Snoke fell under his lightsaber saving your Jedi he thought you might be amenable to negotiation.” The floor literally dropped out from under her feet, Rey and Ben had fought together? If Lando thought she didn't know it was not because anything was given away by her face.

“And since your Jedi already turned down what even I consider to be a more than generous offer Ren thought he should come straight to you even though other methods of communication might be easier.”

Leia could literally feel her nerves stretch almost to their breaking point she had it in her to continue the ruse she was the daughter of Bail Organa, but she didn't want too. “Enough Lando, if you want me to say it I'll say it. Rey hasn't told us anything about a fight with Ben or any kind of deal or anything about communication.”

She wanted to smack the look of smug satisfaction of his face, she had never missed Han more than in that moment.

“Oh my I do so love you Skywalkers and your Force drama. Apparently little miss sunshine shipped herself over to the Supremacy right around the time you all were abandoning ship. Grand illusions of turning him to the Light would be my guess, he wasn't clear on her intentions, just the outcomes.”

Lando tapped a beat on the table between them with his right hand. “When Snoke ordered your boy to kill your girl, he chose to cut him in half.” Leia sat back in her chair, hard.

“Apparently there were guards that had to be cleared out of the room, I'll tell you Leia I had not seen the boy so emotive over anything since he came up to my waist following me around pestering me about how I kept the clouds from leaving Cloud City.” They both smiled at the memory.

“But simply killing for her and anyone who had looked at her sideways wasn't enough, no, not for a man with that bloodline, so, he offered her a place at his side. That boy offered her the Galaxy and she turned him down flat, left him unconscious at the foot of the of the still smoking torso of a severed despot.” Leia grimaced.

Lando shrugged, “I might have embellished the last part.” Leia could picture it, could see Ben doing just that, there was something magnetic about Rey and he had been such a lonely boy and from what she had learned Rey had grown up alone too; like called to like she knew.

“I can't help but think we wouldn't have been in quite such a mess as we are now if she had taken him up on the offer.” Leia had been thinking the same thing and was loathe to admit she agreed.

“You said something about communication,” she was almost afraid to ask.

Lando looked as though he wanted to say anything other than what he was about to, where he had found the other revelations to be more theater and politics, this, this was beyond his scope of knowledge. Rarely did he feel his age, but in this moment, sitting again, with this princess, his princess, he felt every year on his shoulders.

“Leia they share a Force bond.”

She had known it was going to be big and bad and ugly and yet hearing it she was still unprepared, in a rare show of emotion, her palm came down once, hard on the table. Lando didn't jump, didn't acknowledge her in anyway, and for that she was grateful, if it had to be anyone sitting here she supposed she was glad it was him. With a sigh she worked calm into her stinging hand.

“If everything you say checks out,” Lando smirked and yes Leia knew that it would but she didn't need to let him know that just yet, “You still haven't told me what he wants or why he let them kick him out.”

Leaning back in his chair he steepled his fingers, “I have what will answer the first part of your question and only my impressions on the answer to the second. If you really want to know I have been granted permission for you to speak to him via holo and you can ask him whatever you want.”

And now she sat back well and truly stunned and speechless.

“I have enough to continue on his behalf, it's nothing I haven't done countless times, but Leia,” their eyes met and held, “You should talk to him. I'm not saying it will fix anything but he's not what I expected.”

“What do you mean?”

With shrug he looked for the right words, “There's an honesty to him that is remarkable. I asked questions, same as you did, interrupted as I have been told on occasion I do.”

Leia smirked, Lando Calrissian had not let anyone complete a thought around him since he learned to talk back.

“He answered every question. One would lead to another and honestly Leia I know more now than I ever wanted too. I've never seen anything like it, it's like he's compelled to tell the truth, or at least what he thinks and feels, no evasion, nothing, just raw data on everything.”

There was really nothing she could say to that, it went against every political instinct she had. And she hadn't missed the disgust in his voice when he had said everything, if she did this, and of course she was going to do this, she was going to hear things she didn't want to hear. But then that was her lot in life to do and survive when others had the chance to stop and move on or die and rest, only she endured, and she would endure this.

“Go on then, set up the call but I'll need an hour at least, better make that two, but after that I'll be available as needed.”

Lando nodded and rose coming around the table he squeezed her shoulder, “You are strongest woman I have ever known.” She patted his head in thanks.

The time for sentimentality was done, “Go be useful and have someone find Rey and send her in if she's not still outside.”

This was going to be a hell of a discussion.

* * *

 

Rey was using every bit of patience and control she had mastered both on Jakku and in using the Force to not pace outside where she just knew Calrissian was telling Leia everything. She considered making a run for it, if she wasn't here for the questions she wouldn't have to face the fallout from the answers.

Finn and Rose were trying to sweet talk their way in, Rey was ardently impressed at the restraint the guards stationed outside the impromptu meeting room in the face of their combined cajoling. Poe was standing with a small group of techs and pilots, she felt his eyes on her before they would flick to Finn and Rose than back to her.

As much as Finn would have preferred it Rey had not taken to Poe the way he seemed to take to any and everyone on base. Truthfully he had not seemed to eager, once they had made their stilted introduction on the Falcon, to get to know her either. Rey had heard that Kylo had been the one to torture Poe, that his time spent in the chair had been so unlike her own. She wondered if he could sense the connection she had to the man who had ripped into his mind, if on some level he had kept himself apart because he knew that she was entwined with Kylo in ways she had not shared with anyone.

At the abrupt appearance of Calrissian Rey knew her time had run out. When Finn and Rose looked over at her she fought the flinch and thought once again about simply running for the treeline when hands waved her over. How had she come to be here, not six months ago she had been no more than a Jakku sand bug and now she was getting ready to face General Organa and explain herself.

Not having grown up with parents she could only imagine this is what it might have felt like had she had them and disappointed them. Of course most people growing up did not have the fate of the galaxy weighing on decisions and mistakes they made. Where she had once felt her youth in the marks on the hull of her at-at she felt the weight of her age as she walked slowly towards the next big moment.

Calrissian held her gaze and extended his hand to her in a courtly gesture, one she thought had more to do with the no doubt skittish look in her eyes. Tucking her arm into the crook of his elbow he led her towards the General not protesting at the three shadows behind them. Rey had not wanted them there, wanted to tell them to leave but her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. Let the General send them away if she chose, maybe it would be better this way, she would not have to repeat the answers to questions she didn't want to answer.

Before they reached the door to the conference room she felt her escort lean on close, ‘I don't know if this helps or not but he didn’t ask about you,’ she gasped and looked up at the older man. She found him cool and assessing looking back at her. ‘You won't have to worry about any secret messages coming from him at least.’

Rey couldn't find her breath her head was spinning but before she could process what he had told her they were standing in front of the General.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I initially had trouble making this fic as a WIP so please note that as of now this fic is not complete. Please let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone was looking at her, the scrutiny had her shifting uneasily in her seat, so maybe all the eyes weren't on her but the attention was as they all waited for the General.  Calrissian hadn't stopped smiling and she wondered again what it was he was getting out of this mess. Finn and Rose, sitting to her right, were whispering back and forth and Poe, well he was looking at her, really looking at her. 

 

Her mouth opened to ask him what he was thinking but the door opened before the words got out. 

 

‘This is not how I would normally do this.  There is a certain level of intimacy in the topic but unfortunately we don't have time for niceties and quite frankly I'm too angry to worry about them.’  Leia reached the head of the table, two fists pressed to the surface. 

 

‘It seems Rey has been less than forthcoming with certain details about her time between leaving Luke and joining us on Crait.’

 

Rey knew it had been coming but her stomach still flipped over at the words.

 

‘Tell me Rey where do you want to start?’

 

Leia’s tone could cut glass, Rey flinched. 

 

‘General I’m sure Rey did everything she could to get to us as fast as she could.’  Finn's faith in her had Rey sinking even lower in her chair. 

 

‘Well now that's just not true is it Rey?’

 

Without looking at her friends she shook her head no. The questions came fast and furious from Finn and Rose, even Poe tossed in a few, but she didn't know where to start or look, Rey had never wished more that she had never saved a little robot in the desert than she did right now. 

 

‘Enough,’ Leia took back control of the room.   ‘When did you first start meeting with my son?’ 

 

You could hear a pin drop in the room at that.  Rey took a deep breath and talked about the first time the Force had connected them.  The words came easy after that, what they shared, what she saw in her vision. Holding back wasn't an option once she got started. 

 

‘So I took a chance, yes, but I was absolutely certain he would turn, that he would come back.’

 

How naive had she been?  Hearing herself even speaking the words she couldn't believe she had done that, had been so foolish.  Her head was berating her but in her heart she still believed there was good in him. The voice telling her that was small and she had done her best to ignore it, but it was there. 

 

Finn was yelling, Rose had a hand on his arm and Rey couldn't focus on what he was saying her attention was on the General and the look she was giving her. 

 

‘What happened with Snoke?’

 

Once again the room fell silent and the attention was on Rey.  She just wanted it to be over with so she blew through the fight and the confrontation.  Maybe it was more dramatic than she had realized. Maybe he had risked so much more than she had realized.  As if she hadn't felt bad enough. 

 

Without prompting she went right into his offer and the fight over her lightsaber and how she had left him. 

 

The silence was deafening after her tale concluded on Crait.  

 

‘You could have been empress,’ Rose stood as she spoke.  ‘You could be there right now, with him, steering things differently.’

 

Rey could only gape up at her.  

 

‘He’s gone because of you.’

 

‘Rose-’

 

She waved off Finn’s interruption. 

 

‘No, no I am trying to understand what makes this okay.  They reinstituted slavery because he left, because what came after was so much worse.  At least we knew what was coming if he was in charge, the General knew, but now. This.  This is your fault. You could be there, should be there, do you not understand the good you have done there?!’  

 

Rey could only stare, the accusations hitting their mark.  Rose was crying now, Finn was pulling her into a hug and leading her out of the room. Her first friend wouldn't even meet her eye.  

 

When she had thought of the fallout never once did she consider she would be ostracized for leaving Ben. Could she have made a difference?  Would the galaxy have been better off with her and Ben in charge? It was a ludicrous idea but as she looked around the room the looks on the faces she saw told a different story.  

 

‘Do you think that's true?’  She blinked and looked over at where the General stood studying her.  

 

‘I do, yes.’  Leia pulled no punches.  She had been in this fight too long to worry about the feelings of one girl, albeit a special one.  

 

‘Why did he leave?’  Rey looked at their visitor, the one who had started this terrible chain of events.  

 

Lando smiled, ‘That's on a need to know basis and I don't think you need to know.’

 

‘This doesn't erase what he did though,’ Poe looked at the General his face drawn tight.  ‘He’s killed countless people, he killed your-his father.’

 

Rey flinched, looking down at her hands.

 

‘I am well aware of the crimes he must account for,’ Leia did not back down from Poe’s stare, ‘All of them.  They will be addressed in due time.’

 

Rey was extremely grateful she would have no part in that conversation, at least she hoped not.  Now that everything was out all she wanted was to find Finn and try to explain and she really wanted to get away from all the people who were continuing to stare at her.  

 

Absently she tugged at the Bond, it had become a habit, tossing her thoughts and emotions at the tether. This time there was a flash of something, a feeling not her own. Irritation, and for the first time she felt him push back against her.  She gasped, she quickly looked around the room, hoping no one saw. 

 

Of course Leia had, of course, and of course she would have to share.  Such was her life apparently. 

 

‘Can we have the room please.’

 

Bodies moved quickly, none lingering or looking back at her, none made eye contact with her either.  

 

Left with the General and Lando Rey studied her hands, her nails were blunt and the dirt under them she could never quite clean out.  

 

‘Care to explain what just happened?’

 

No, she really didn't, but she looked up anyway.  

 

‘The bond is still there between us, but it’s gone quiet.  I've tried to reach out to him since, well since I realized that leaving him unguarded in the throne room, well I felt bad.’

 

Leia laughed, ‘You felt bad?  Save me from the young.’

 

‘You know I'm doing the best that I can.’  Rey stood and began to pace, her frustration mounting.  ‘I went to Luke for help and for guidance and he spent most of his time turning me away and then mocking my attempts to use the Force.  I am doing the best that I can. And yes I had a few quiet moments with Ben and yes I thought foolishly that I could save him because I wasn't managing to do much else.’

 

She was on a roll now and didn't care what they thought of her.  

 

‘I was a sand rat not long ago, that's all, I spent my days scavenging, surviving. And now you're telling me that I could have saved the galaxy?  That's ridiculous, so I threw my thoughts at that bloody Bond and told him so and for the first time since Crait I got a sense he was still there and do you know what I sensed?’

 

She spun on them.  The table rattled as her power swelled.  Waving her hands back and forth where she imagined he would be.  ‘He’s irritated. He is irritated. With me. He gets to what, just walk away from everything and that's okay, but I have to stay here and deal with everyone staring and then he has the audacity to be irritated with me?’

 

‘Oh I think I like her.’  Lando smiles. Leia also has what might be construed as an amused look on her face as well.

 

Crossing her arms Rey glared at the two.  ‘It’s not funny.’

 

‘You’ll find the Force has a unique sense of humor.’

 

‘Well I don't see anything funny about everyone hating me.’

 

Leia sighed. ‘No one hates you Rey.  Well they shouldn't. They are confused and angry but this is bigger than any two individuals.  There’s no guarantee that if you had stayed things wouldn't have ended up exactly the same. It's possible that it could have gone worse for him, he might have been even more distracted.’

 

There was an implication there that Rey did not want to think about.  

 

‘Secrets can erode the strongest of bonds so you will have to work on shoring those up as quickly as possible.’  Rey considered that good advice, great even, she opened her mouth to ask but swallowed back the words.

 

Leia snorted, ‘Go ahead and ask whatever has your face all twisted up.’

 

‘Is he okay, I mean will he be okay?’

Not for the first time Leia wondered if Rey cared more for her son than even she wanted to admit.

 

‘He has a lot to answer for and yes the fallout from his departure from the Order is going to get even worse, it was the best thing he could have done.  If what Calrissian says is true there just might be a sliver of a chance that he might be okay.’ The relief on Rey’s face was palpable, Leia was not used to such open displays of emotion.  Her years in politics had shaved away the ability to show what she felt without conscious thought. His ability to simply be what he felt had always drawn her back to Han. 

 

The grief was raw, for her Han and for Luke, but she pushed it aside, now there was hope, hope that her son,  _ her son _ , might be saved.  

 

And that was more than she had ever thought possible.

 

* * *

  
  


As Caelcal he was free to enjoy the luxuries Cloud City offered a certain percentage of their clients.  None of the listed services appealed to him, none beyond a bottle of the most expensive Corellian whiskey and a box, several boxes, of hand rolled cheroots.  

 

The suite boasted one of the best views in Cloud City, stretched across the chaise lounge on the balcony, he was inclined to agree.  He placed his glass on the floor and picked up the slow burning cheroot out of the ashtray next to it. 

 

Days in Cloud City drew all the tourists out in droves, the skies above and around them were awe inspiring.  The nights had always been his preference, while the clouds were spectacular, the  _ stars _ could leave you breathless.  They had left him breathless. 

 

His father had always loved the nights here, had been the one to show him just how much of the universe there was out there to see.  Thinking now about his father was no easier, no better, it was an open, gaping wound in his gut. For all their faults and flaws they had loved him as best as they could, it had not been enough to save him, he had had to save himself in the end, but it was something.  Remembering now, free from Snoke, that it had not been all bad, only made their loss that much more acute. 

 

Now there would be no chance for reconciliation, for either, any party to make amends.  He knew that he had countless crimes to atone for, right now he considered simply not being Ben or Kylo to be the most helpful thing he could do for this cursed galaxy.

 

Maybe, once he had settled things with the General he would head out into the stars and beyond.  Lifting the cheroot to his lips he considered it, the possibility of disappearing. It held more appeal than anything he had considered up to this point.  

 

Somewhere his father was laughing at him, that idea held a certain appeal as well.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone who took a split second or a whole minute to hit kudos or review. I hope you enjoyed this. Personally I am obsessed with idea of Kylo/Ben turning to smuggling/exploring.


End file.
